5 Signs You Need to Move your Aging Parents to Senior or Assisting Living

If you are even thinking about making a move for your aging parents, it’s probably what you need to do. You must have caught wind that health, whether mental or physical, has somehow changed warranting you to contemplate next steps in the journey of your parents.

Here are a few signs that might help you think through this enormous and emotional decision.

1. Phone Calls. Do you receive more than you used to? Do they call you more often to help with simple tasks, tasks they used to completely do on their own? Are you helping more with their day to day errands or helping to arrange others to help with those errands? Maybe a yard man, a maid or even some type of home care. Their growing need for “help”, no matter what kind, is for sure something to track and monitor. It’s doable for some time, but they can quickly transition from independant to dependent. If you find you are scheduling numerous types of people to aid with various things around their house, it might be time to consider taking the next step in where your aging parents should live.
2. Forgetfulness. In conversation, do you find you are repeating yourself to your parents? Maybe it was a quick question you posed and they paused to respond. Maybe they couldn’t recollect a story you were reminiscing about at a dinner with the family. Be in tune with their mental stability.
3. Mobility. Has the day to day mobility changed for one or both of your parents? Do you find they are “sitting” more than they used to and tend to do less activities that require movement? This can for sure be a sign that normal day to day activities are becoming more of a reach for them. If they tend to opt out of something that requires physical strength, chances are they might have difficulty actually doing this activity.
4. Excuses. If you find your parents are making excuses as to why they are not doing something they have always done, maybe there is a reason. Are they skipping church? Are they passing on their standing lunch date with old friends? Excuses usually have an underlining meaning. This can lead you to wonder if it is growing more and more difficult for them to independently get themselves up, dressed and out the door to a social engagement.
5. Clutter. Last but certainly not least is clutter. Seniors becoming somewhat of mess makers in their later years. Why? They don’t want to throw anything away and better yet, they want to be able to remember where they put something. Therefore, they keep it right near where they spend the bulk of their time. Is there a pile by their favorite chair? Is there a stack of mail at the breakfast table where they have their morning java? Is there a pile of clothes at the foot of the bed, maybe with yesterday’s outfit on top?

If you answered yes to any of the above, it might be the right time to start thinking about options for your aging parents. So where do you start? How do you even begin to make that type of decision? Where do you go and what do you do? For starters, think about what would be most helpful to your parents and most helpful to you as the “care taker?” Is it meals? Is it cleaning? Is it all the things associated with being a home owner?

As you begin down this path, begin thinking through what would be the most ideal situation for your parents. Let’s talk about the pros and cons of Senior Living vs Assisted Living.

Senior Living is a great “baby” step into the beginning of the journey of aging parents when you know you need to do something to create a more suitable environment. Most senior living facilities function the same with 3 meals a day, onsite “care” as needed (for a price of course), weekly house cleaning and most importantly, social interaction with other seniors. Elder people in these types of facilities have a blast, well not initially. Initially you will go through the exercise of the actual move (we’ll talk about that in a separate blog), then the depression of no longer being in their “home” and the bitterness they might show towards you for making them MOVE. However, once they get settled, they will quickly adapt to having their own spot, food prepared when they need a meal, light housekeeping around their pad and fun activities that require little effort. I call Senior Living facilities, The Elder Dorm. And, most senior living facilities do not have a “buy in”, meaning an enormous chunk of change just to enter the building. Most are month to month with a move in fee and are for sure your best bang in the beginning of this journey.

Assisted Living is an option if your parents need more “care” than just having warm bodies nearby in the same building and a hot meal. Assisted living is for those who need help going to the bathroom, medication oversite and especially when they can no longer walk without assistance. This setting requires medical management by a Physician who has deemed one or both of your parents can no longer live without the aid of help. You will need to ensure you have secured a partnership with your parents’ Primary Care Physician, as this relationship is key in the transition to such a facility. This decision will make you plunge into a huge financial commitment as your parents will be categorized by their level of care needs. The more care, the higher the monthly payment. This can quickly accelerate their retirement fund so be cautious when making this move. You might have to go straight to Assisted Living due to an illness, but I would hold out as long as you can on this option.

Of course there is a significant financial commitment when making a decision on which setting is the best for your parents. My advise is to start with the absolute minimum in the beginning because once you take the plunge, the spending can quickly add up. It also helps encourage independence. If they can still walk to the facility dining room unassisted, that’s a savings. If they can still manage their own meds that’s a huge savings. Ease into the new facility, then monitor their needs and only add when you really need to.

We’ll keep this conversation going in my next blog post on how to weigh out the financial impact to their portfolio. For now, start thinking about if you need to make a move and whether you need to explore a Senior Living Facility for your aging parents or Assisted Living.